The Journal

Vol. 1 | The Truth Will Set You Free

Slept in today. 2:53pm. I asked a girl out to the movies a week ago, seems she's ghosted me but not before giving me a false sense of hope with the non-answer "ok👍I'll get back to u". Stepfather-of-sorts came home only to yap to me about sleeping at a reasonable hour, and something about washing my hands (I do..). Sometimes it seems all he ever does is complain. I finally got fed up with his nagging and ranted to my mom about it over text. Later I came out of my room to reheat some sphagetti and it seemed she was home and talking some sense into him. Good grief. A little later I tried to play Project Zomboid with my friends, two of them just bought it and the other one has been waiting to play it with all of us for awhile. Four painful hours of troubleshooting, and by the time we all get in the game and everything is working I don't even feel like playing anymore. Now, it's eleven-nearing-midnight and I decide to recollect on the day, and my recent activities. I barely got to play the game I just bought yesterday, Kenshi, which I have surprisingly found myself to quite enjoy.

It's starting to feel like, now that I have gotten back from my vacation in Pennsylvania, the Conjuring God of the Universe* has decided to kick me right back into the dirt of reality. That week of fun and eventful daily happenings could only last for so long, I can run from my problems and my responsibilities, but not escape them. Now I am kicked back into the mud of boring Appalachian living. Much to see, little to do. At least it's a relatively quiet life, as long as I don't step on any of the numerous landmines that I am sure are just raring to be set off. Yet, I still go on, knowing that one day I can set myself free to my own devices, with a cozy accountant job, a nice house, a healthy friend group and perhaps a girlfriend, and the financial freedom to do what I want, when I want. I do well in my studies, and I am well liked by my peers in school. I am on the student council, the president of the e-sports club, an honors student, I have a part-time job that pays for my gas and goodies, and compared to some other people my age I am relatively free. On a material level, I am doing extraordinarily well. I consider myself an optimist, both for my worldview and for my personal life, so perhaps I may just be giving too much weight to the negatives in life?

Of course, these are simply the thoughts that come to mind when it is late at night and I am ready to go to bed. Apparently this is a common situation, having deeply introspective thoughts, a desire to make a real "change" in one's life, sometimes negative, sometimes positive, often grandiose or ambitious. But it has to happen at the one point in time where you are truly powerless to take action, midnight. By the time I wake up tomorrow, I would have forgotten all these thoughtful thoughts, disposed to the waste bin in my mind. That is why I have started this journal. I will no longer forget. I will no longer let my bad memory, which I have started to mockingly refer to as my "early-onset dementia", stop me from remembering my own life. I will not lose track of my causes, ambitions, feelings, desires. Fin.

*chuunibyu nonsense i made up.

Had no internet Wednesday. Thankfully, I worked that day, and the internet was back the next day. I've been playing Kenshi for the most part since my last entry. Also played a little more Project Zomboid but honestly maybe that game is just not for me. I am feeling a lot better since my last entry, and with school starting back up I have a hunch that good mood will continue. At least since middle school I have always liked school, always fun to get back into the school year and reconnect with friends, classmates, and engage in school life, classes, clubs, and all that. I do worry that the workload may be more challenging this year. I'm taking six dual-credit classes, and if I swap out my yearbook class (I want to take it my senior year) with AP Psychology that'll leave me with only one 'regular' class, Spanish II.

I've already put in requests for my work schedule now that school is starting. Seems bosslady got confused though, I put in two requests, one for the next week so I can have monday and tuesday off, I have freshman orientation training those days, and another the following week for what I want to work when school starts. Well, I get my schedule today only to see they have me working the weekends... And Monday. I'll have to talk it out with them tomorrow, I'm sure we can work something out.

I'm not too sure how well I like the idea of having my journal be typed and stored on my website. I'm thinking of just doing it the traditional way, with a physical notebook written in pen. In fact, if I did it that way, my choice to categorize the entries by volume would actually make sense, instead of just being a stylistic choice. On the other hand, my handwriting sucks, I have never liked physical writing, and despite the aesthetic I don't know if I'd have the same drive to write if I had to go so out of my way to write an entry.